Things That Escaped My Mind
by Hedwig Edwiges
Summary: This is the place for random ideas and drabbles that popped out of my mind and I didn't had any specific story to put them. Some of them may or may not go into a story some time in the future. So, don't expect any connection between chapters here.
1. Chapter 1 Survivor

THINGS THAT ESCAPE FROM MY MIND

Summary: This is the place for random ideas and drabbles that popped out of my mind and I didn't had any specific story to put them. Some of them may or may not go into a story some time in the future. So, don't expect any connection between chapters here.

A/N: No beta touch it. But reviews are always welcome.

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SURVIVOR

I am a survivor.

Most people would think of this trait as a good thing. As some kind of luck that keep appearing or happening when the situation was dire and all the logical hope has ended. In the moment that all that is left is a prayer to whatever god out there, puff! I manage to survive. I usually don't really now how. One moment I'm looking death in the eyes, the next I'm somewhere else, safe, or at least closer to safety.

But I don't see it as the best of things. Because I go through too many life threatening situations, I have too many nightmares. And it seems that I always left somebody behind. Somebody who don't have this luck strike to be a survivor. And this means even more nightmares for me.

Be a survivor is a very tiring thing. People look at you with awe for all the things they think you have done and SURVIVED, or they look at you with fear because the next time you go and do something amazing and survive, one of them may be the unlucky bastard left behind.

Survivors and heroes are much alike and become the same when the survivor survives too many times. Then a simple lucky strike becomes something else and hero worship is bestowed upon you.

Another thing that I don't like: hero worship. People looking up to you and expecting you to do an amazing thing after another. And for awhile you can do no wrong. Until the next time you survive and somebody else doesn't. Then, maybe you aren't a hero anymore. You are someone with a strange luck, someone to be suspicious of.

Especially in the Wizarding world. How fast these people change their minds about everything is quite scary. You can go to sleep as a hero and wake up as the next insane monster, and you may never find out what made them change their minds about it. This come and goes are quite unsettling, let me tell you. I suffer from them enough.

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	2. Chapter 2 Seriously Missing Sirius

THINGS THAT ESCAPE FROM MY MIND

Summary: This is the place for random ideas and drabbles that popped out of my mind and I didn't had any specific story to put them. Some of them may or may not go into a story some time in the future. So, don't expect any connection between chapters here.

A/N: No beta touch it. But reviews are always welcome.

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SERIOUSLY MISSING SIRIUS

Harry missed his "would be" relationship with Sirius.

They had talked some and shared a dream of a new family for both of them, but they never really had a "father-and-son" relationship.

If Harry was truly honest, he would have to say that sometimes he even felt older than Sirius. And sometimes he felt truly afraid that Hermione was right and Sirius loved him only as an extension of James Potter, a second chance to have his friend back and not as another person entirely. As much as he was James Potter reincarnated for Snape.

Harry was afraid that if Sirius really knew Harry Potter – the emotionally abused, loved-starved Harry – he wouldn't like him; he wouldn't want him at all.

After all, so far in his life, no adult stayed around long enough to help him when he asked.

McGonagall denied him in his first year, didn't thinking him capable to understand what was going on.

In second year, Harry did try to get help from the, apparently, most qualified teacher. The problem was that the man turned out to be the biggest fraud the Wizarding world had ever seen.

Lupin hid so many things from him in his third year. He did help Harry, but all the things he never told him were much more important and dangerous. Snape was his usual safe, vindictive and bitter, trying to do the most damage he could.

Fourth year was a joke. Or would be if the results weren't so disastrous. Nobody found out about the fake Moody until the last minute. And nobody could save Cedric.

Umbridge and her quill, and her decrees, and her hate. Harry confronted a lot of angry wizards and witches and general people through his life. But Dolores Umbridge had a special place in his book. Along side Snape and Voldemort himself.

And all along, during all his time in the Wizarding world, all his life, in fact, if he thought about it, Dumbledore was never around.

Dumbledore only appeared after he destroyed Quirrell/Voldemort, after he saved the Philosophy stone.

Fawkes was the real hero in the Chamber of Secrets. Without the firebird Harry would never be able to defeat the Basilisk. And Dumbledore was happily seated in his office after the whole ordeal.

Not even the all powerful Dumbledore was able to save Sirius. The better he could do was offer an escape rout, sending the poor man to run around for the next two years, incapable to have the peace he so much deserved.

Let's not go in the fourth year's debacle! How come Dumbledore didn't found out that his great friend Moody was being impersonated by a Death Eater? How come he didn't found out the entire TriWizard Tournament was a trap for Harry and a plan to resurrect the dark lord? Once more, it was Harry's own dumb luck that safe him.

Again, the fifth year was on the top of Harry's list of worst year ever. Dumbledore refusing to look at him, to talk to him. His lies, his half-truths. The way he decided things without explaining them. How could he expect things to work out if nobody knew where they were going!

Now, Harry seated, alone again, his head in his hands, his mind in a bigger turmoil than ever. He was complete alone. As always. And this time, he couldn't even look for strength in his dreams. Because the fantasy of a happy life, a family of his own died with Sirius.

Sirius was the symbol of everything that should come to pass. Sirius was the star in Harry's sky, guiding him to a better place, a better future. And now, this light was shut down. It really hurts. All that could have been. And now, there wasn't even a slim chance to come to pass.

Harry really missed Sirius. For everything he represented, for everything he could be, for everything he might have done. For everything that his death meant. No adults would ever come to help him. Harry was all alone.

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